If I were a pirate lord, I would say, "Welcome to Singapore!"

Welcome to Singapore.

Before returning home to Miri, I made a detour to Singapore; that tiny island country that you can't even spot on the globe.

It is that sovereign microcosm that exists amongst the chaos that is the rest of South East Asia. I guess you could also liken it to Japan whereby it exists as a world of its own.

The weather throughout the entire trip in Singapore was predictably notorious: crucifying heat and pesky downpours. This was more of a shopping trip for me than a sightseeing one; why else would I be willing to leave Melbourne before Boxing Day?

Marina Bay Sands Resort welcomes you with a giant dong on the horizon.

That being said, I did manage to visit several places of interest on the island and off the island. I went to the Marina Bay Sands Resort.

There, I visited shops,

made good use of my freshly attained legality,

and also saw for myself the SkyPark. This towering construct is a testament to architecture at its most marvelous. It'll cost you $20 to head up to the top but the view is really something.

It was a suffocating, warm day at the resort but nothing compared to the following day whereby the weather was scorching and baking everything under the sun - figuratively and literally. I had the pleasure of experiencing the full sun-baking experience at Universal Studios on Sentosa island.

The entrance to the theme park was epic not because of the midget child labourers checking your tickets on your way in but because they were blasting out the epic Narnia battle theme song! It caused me to nerd-jizz there and then.

Inside the theme park, you find maps to guide you around. The theme park is divided into several themes.

First, there's Madagascar.

Then there's Far Far Away Land which was my personal favourite. Gotta love the fairy godMILF.

Right next to Far Far Away Land will be Jurassic Park which also contains Waterworld.

Waterworld is a place in the theme park and also, at the same time, the name of a show.

I did watch it and you could simply describe it as Michael Bay-esque - plot-less, action-packed, explosions and hot actors/actresses.

The remaining places in the theme park were

Egypt,

Battlestar Galactica

and New York, which I scooted through real quick. Oh, I had lunch at New York and it was bad because I'm a baller that way. Seriously, on this side of the world Melbourne is literally the best place to get good food. I digress.

Guess what? Once again we hit another casino and that's right I was barely legal enough to skip inside. I noticed that in the two casinos I visited, most of the players were old, zombie-looking, soulless, I've-got-nothing-better-to-do-with-my-pathetic-life, middle-aged men and women. I just feel sad for these lost people mindlessly gambling away their money weather or not it was hard-earned.

After covering two of most recent, spanking-new tourist attractions of Singapore, it would be wrong to not mention an old one which probably rakes in more revenue than the two combined: Orchard Road. Need more be said? This is probably the most impressive shopping street on this side of the world. I definitely spent most of my time on this street here although I might've actually enjoyed Boxing Day in Melbourne more.

Anyway, to sum up, what do I think of Singapore based on my visit? Asian food is good, shopping is good, city is wondrous, streets are sparkling clean and the cars on the road look great. On the other hand, the weather is not to die for - it will cause you to die; the local accent is laughable for a nation of Singapore's caliber, to the extent that even the less exposed locals of Sarawak can speak more audible English; customer service, courtesy and friendliness is probably comparable to that of the Neanderthals. I was also surprised to hear how so many people are still more comfortable in speaking Mandarin or Cantonese/Hokkien than English. I Guess you learn new things everyday.

It will probably be another half-decade before I visit the most advanced nation in South East Asia again so until then, I hope you've enjoyed this post. Cheerio and stay tuned for more.